Search the Depths

A Sinking Man

Scrap thoughts and manic musings from a man whose earliest memory is of wanting to die. These have no purpose but to keep the man alive.

Immaculate Stray

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March 23, 2025

I went under.

Only for a moment.

Everything immaculate.

Dark, with shimmers of midnight.

Sparks or satellites?

No matter, farther away.

No concern of mine.

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Flight Recorder Recovered

March 17, 2025

Ocean worn. Salty and corroded at the corners. Edges like battery rot. One side has been outright bitten. Tatters of kelp peel away. A black box warped by blacker depths. There you are. Looking For My Teeth.

Holding Hands

March 19, 2025

Fleeting, yet seething. Safe, yet smothering. A constant wrongness. A daily need to vomit up your own reality. Living with suicidal needs makes sense when nothing else does. Moment to moment, sometimes second to second. It’s like being pregnant with a feral animal in the form of an omnipresent emotion. But I could put it down. I could let it out and set it free. Watch it grow, then sleep for the first time ever.